Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Empty

It's been two and a half weeks since I took Bella to her last vet appointment and I must say the house still feels empty. I want to say each day gets a little easier but I also know it changes at the drop of a hat! I have an emptiness in my heart,my house and my life!

I went back to the vets office last Friday to pick up her ashes, and while I thought I was prepared emotionally to be back in the place where I said goodbye, my emotions started to grab hold while I was in line! I watched another dog come out of an exam room and I glanced at her last exam room! Bad idea the dam was starting to break, by the time I reached the desk the tears had started as I tried to hold them back I told the receptionist I was there to pick up Bella Rae's ashes, (and every time I think about it I get teary eyed)! The dam was falling apart! While the receptionist went to the back to get her I waited and tried to put my emotions in check but found it difficult. The office was full of people and I felt like they were all watching me! She brought Bella out in a nice velvet bag and was carrying another little bag, then said "they sent this too, do you want them?" And in the little bag is the parts from her TPLO surgery, the little 3 inch piece of metal and 4 screws made my heart melt! The dam had broken! As I drove home I felt happy we had her back but incredibly sad for the reminder that she isn't with us! 

I still haven't put her food bowl away, I can't bring myself to do it! I ran across her rain coat, sweaters and winter coats the other day and couldn't stop the flood!  It will get easier but I know I will always have little reminders of her! Harley misses her like crazy and you can tell she has good days and bad days, this morning seemed like a rough day for her! 

I have to keep telling myself today is a new day and it will be a good day!
Thanks for all the love! 

This is her hardware! 

This is what I have left of a beautiful friendship!

Her last photo! I love you Bella and miss you everyday! 

Monday, July 28, 2014

Bella's last week

I've felt it coming for a while and everyday the reality gets harder and harder! And yes I know she is a dog but she is my baby! 

Today I noticed that things are progressing, so Thursday will be the day! The day we say goodbye to a love that has been constant and a playful tough girl! I thought she would be able to grow ok with us, bot God has other plans! It breaks my heart to say goodbye but I can't let her suffer! We love her too much for that!

So if anyone wants to give her farewell hugs they are welcome to come visit just let me know first! 

Much love!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bella Rae's Journey!

I know its been forever since I have written! Bella continues to do well after her TPLO surgery in Sept 2012, she has not injured the other leg yet! So she has beat the odds! However it is with a heavy heart that I tell you she has Lymphoma, centroblastic hygrade lymphoma to be exact!!! Treatment is extremely expensive and we cannot afford it nor can I put her through it! I noticed she had a mass over memorial day weekend this year, took her to the vet the following Tuesday and they weren't sure exactly what it was so they decided she needed them taken out! I took her in for surgery on June 6, 2014 and went to work. Worried about her all day, and went to pick her up at 4, that's when Dr. Alderson told me the two masses were definitely tumors and she had sent them in for biopsies like I wanted! So we waited through the weekend and ended up waiting til Thursday the 12th, the doc had tried all week to get a hold of me but I had forgot to change my phone number at the vets office (note to self don't forget to do that again)!

I had a really rough day on Wednesday because I couldn't shake the feeling that the results weren't good and called my sister, who came to Idaho and surprised me to help me feel better! So we decided to all go to dinner, while at the restaurant I got the call, I immediately began to cry and could barely talk with the vet, I didn't care if anyone saw me cry my baby girl had cancer!!!!

So here we are a month and a half past diagnosis and Bella is still fighting, although its taking its toll on her! Everyone has been so nice in asking how she is doing and I am so grateful for the support (again) but its hard! The more I think about it the sadder it makes me! She is Bret & I's first kid, she has been there through so much! I keep thinking back to all the good memories I have of her and how good she has been with Harley and Corbin and that makes me think of how hard this is going to be on all of us! Harley especially where she isn't prepared like we are! I am dreading the day I take her to the vet to say goodbye! I wish I could freeze time and cuddle her forever!

I know that everything happens for a reason, I just wish she could have caught a break!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Bella and Gomer!


5 Months Post Op!

Haven't written for a while, its been super crazy at our house! Bella is doing wonderful, she gave us a scare 2 weeks ago and worry wart mommy took her to see Dr. Alderson! She was limping more than normal and holding her leg up and not wanting to use it at all. Well Dr. Alderson said her leg is pretty solid, but she will always favor it a bit, she will have good days and bad days. She also let me know that she probably needed some pain meds, and boy have they helped. My mom has a medicine called metacam that is around $100 for a bottle, we bought rimadyl.

Well we went to my mom's house all weekend this last weekend and Bella ran and played a bunch, until mommy said no more today take it easy and then I closed the dog door. Bella had the biggest smile on her face and loved being able to run without being yelled at! Each night we gave her a dose of the metacam and the next day you couldn't even tell she had ran that much. Whenever I see her run lately the song "Free" by Zac Brown Band plays in my head, and it brings tears to my eyes which isn't hard to do lately!

She is my little girl and I am so happy that she is doing so well! She did gain 7 pounds from the date of surgery to Feb 5! So hopefully she can start loosing that now! I will try to get a video of her and post, but we all know how good I am about posting! Harley has been loving having her to run with again. Bella is slower now and Harley beats her if they race but Bella just pounces on her like its nothing at all! That silly little girl!

Lately Bella has taken up cuddling with my belly, she thinks its a head rest! But I love the snuggles! And Harley's hugs are just as good! Both are very welcome after a crazy day at work! Which has gotten better as well, I have a new boss but instead of me doing a lot of the work, Heather does it and I have more of a chance to get everything done that I need. Its wonderful!

I can't thank you all enough for the help and support and the love that you have shown us.

Have a wonderful day!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

3 months post op!

Sorry I am bad at this blog thing!

Just thought I would let everyone know! Bella is now 3 months out of surgery!!!!! She is doing great! We didn't need x-rays everything is doing well! She thinks she is ready for a marathon some days and other days she feels it! She doesn't really limp anymore except when she gets up from laying too long! She is loving the snow and the holiday season!

We had a gender reveal party a week and a half ago and she is still playing with balloons from the party! Silly girl! She also got a new hot pink collar cause she is gaining a little weight (not too much she is still a healthy weight). You can still tell when it hurts her or bugs her but as of lately that has been only if she sneaks out to run, which is when we go to grandma & grandpa's, or her and Harley play a lot during the day!

Last week her incision site looked a little funny and she had an internal stitch working its way out that had gotten stuck so we got it out! It's looking much better now! Oh and I forgot to say we have been able to start off leash a little bit, but she tends to go nuts so that is limited to once a week at the most, depending on how she handles it! I am getting more worried with it now that the snow is here but I will get past that!

Oh and she is going to have a little brother for anyone wondering! She will be great, I think she will be kind of like nana in Peter Pan! When friends with kids come over she has to see and kiss them. Oh and if they start crying she gets so worried, she went from me to Logan to Christine and back to me and had to know he was okay! Harley on the other had just slept through the crying! It was very interesting!

We also were given a ton of baby stuff and the night we hauled it all into the house they both freaked out but Harley more so, she started shaking and whining in the living room! She is better now, for a couple months anyway! If anyone has some good advice on bringing baby home with dogs and a cat let me know! We are trying a few things to get them used to the baby stuff and after Christmas we are going to set up the nursery so all the baby stuff isn't in the living room!

Thank you all for the love and support!

Merry Christmas!


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Day 8 of thankfulness

Today I am thankful for my faith! The missionaries came by tonight and have me more interested in going back to church than before!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 6 & 7 of thankfulness

Yesterday I was thankful to live in such a wonderful country where I have the right and freedom to make my own choices!

Today I am thankful for nausea medication! Well I will give a real one I guess!
I am thankfully for this little one growing inside me! Can't wait to find out what it is, but I am definitely not so anxious to meet the little one! I'm okay with it baking for about 23 more weeks or so!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 5 of Thankfullness

So today I am extrememly thankful for a roof over my head with heat, electricity, and running water! I do like camping but if I had to rough it everyday I would go nuts! Especially since i'm pregnant and sick a lot! I don't have a pic of this exact thing since its so broad so I'll share a pic of Bella!